You’d Better Watch Out!

J. Fred Coots and Haven Gillespie probably thought this song was funny when they wrote it in 1934. Parents within reach of the radio thought so too, that a pair of musicians would give them such an easy tool to train kids with. It used to be they’d have to find

creative ways to threaten kids just a few bars will do, and children everywhere are instantly good, if only for an instant. I’m not saying kids are good either, because they’re not good or they wouldn’t need songs like this to scare them into submission.

Every time I think of this song “Santa Clause is Coming to Town” I think of stalkers and how parents who use that song to control young children are sending the message that it’s ok to be looking over your shoulder in fear.

You better watch out You better not cry Better not pout I’m telling you why Santa Claus is coming to town Even scarier is the message saying that if they pout or cry they will not get anything for Christmas. The song makes Santa sound like the Grim Reaper who stalks little kids and who knows what he does with them?

He’s making a list And checking it twice; Gonna find out Who’s naughty and nice Santa Claus is coming to town So now not only are you not allowed to do naughty things, you are not allowed to learn from your mistakes, and you cannot be forgiven because Santa Clause is keeping a list. If I really gave a shit I would have killed myself by now! For every time I broke into the kitchen and stole Santa’s cookies, left my shoes outside or said a bad word under my breath, I should have been in purgatory, or worse, by the time I was 8.

He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!

Just the thought of someone watching me sleep gives me the willies. Why would anyone put that on their kids? It’s one thing to believe that mom has eyes in back of her head because she catches you in a lie but to think that some guy you don’t even know is keeping tabs is beyond creepy. I can see the part about being bad or good, I mean, sometimes kids make poor judgment calls just to see what would happen if they don’t get caught, like squishing pollywog guts or pushing the stove buttons, that’s kind of naughty, but what about the times when I was told to clean my room and I did, with hair spray because it looked like the stuff mom cleans with? How would anyone know but me if that was passive-aggressive payback for cutting into my play time?

Santa’s probably a decent guy, I mean, he does let kids sit on his lap in malls all over the world. I can only imagine the bio suit that man must wear underneath the fake (ie.washable) furry red thing. No wonder he always looks fat. Kids are supposed to love Santa Claus, because he’s nice, and brings them things, and a lot of songs and stories have been written about this man. I used to like the guy too until he stopped bringing me toys. That’s when I decided he might not have been as nice as I thought. Besides, it’s a lot easier to be naughty when you know some old chubby guy isn’t watching you in your sleep.